Photo: Ashley Burns Photography
FormerBacheloretteAli Fedotowsky-Mannois a member ofPEOPLE’s Celebrity Parents Squadand mom to sonRiley Doran, 4 months, and daughterMolly Sullivan, 2, with husbandKevin Manno. She normally blogs atAliLuvs.com, but joins us today to share advice on sleep regression based on her own experiences with her children.
Ah, the dreaded 3-to-4-month-old sleeper regression. What happened to my good sleeper?! I, like many parents, thought I had hit the sleep-lottery jackpot when my son Riley was sleeping six hours his first stretch of sleep every night from about 4 weeks to 3 months old. I remember peopleasking me if I was exhaustedafter I brought him home from the hospital and I would always respond with, “Oh yeah, I’m pretty tired,” but deep down I knew that I wasn’t nearly as exhausted as I was when I’d brought our daughter home two years prior.
I remember thinking to myself that maybe I was just stronger now, which I definitely think happens when you become a parent. Things that seemed super tough or impossible before are tasks that I knock out on the regular nowadays. For example, I remember always thinking I needed eight to ninehours of sleep to function. Now I’msuperpumped if I get six hours. So yeah, I assumed I wasn’t as exhausted the second time around because I was simply stronger. But I quickly realized that even though I am stronger, that wasn’t necessarily the case as to why I wasn’t exhausted. Really it was because he was a pretty good sleeper! That is, up until the regression hit.
1. Let Your Significant Other Take Over for a Night
For the first three and a half months of Riley’s life, I was pretty reluctant to let Kevin take over for a night so I could get some sleep. He offered constantly but I always came up with an excuse as to why I should just do it. Usually it involved keeping my milk supply upbecause I am exclusively breastfeedingbut deep down inside I knew that one night of sleep without nursing him wouldn’t affect my supply. I think I just got so used to being with this little human all night long that it felt unnatural to not wake up with him when he needed me.
So my advice to any of you reading this would be: Let your significant other help! And normally I don’t like to use the word “help”when referring to Kevin because Ialways say that parenting is a 50/50 partnership with us. He doesn’t watch the kids for me and I don’t watch the kids for him. We both watch our kids all the time because we’re their parents. But when it comes to nighttime feeding, I take on the majority of the responsibility because I’m nursing. So in this case, I’m okay with using the word “help” and I finally became mentally okay with accepting the help.
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2. Set Your Partner Up for Success
I think another major reason that I was so reluctant to let Kevin take over for the night feedings is because I knew it would be more difficult for him than it is for me. When I need to feed Riley, I just grab him out of his bassinet and quickly nurse him and then put him back down. Usually I can get him back to sleep within 15 to 20 minutes, tops. But because Kevinhad to get a bottle andwarm it up, I knew it was going to take him a lot longer and because of that Riley would get much more worked up.
So the first night that Kevin took over for the night feedings, we made sure he was prepared with everything he needed. The most obvious thing he needed was bottles. We use thePhilips Avent Natural Bottlesbecause the nipple is designed to feel most like Mom. This was super crucial for getting Riley to fall back asleep quickly. He was so used to nursing all night long we needed a bottle that felt similar for him. And thankfully they have worked like a charm!
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Ashley Burns Photography
RELATED VIDEO: Ali Fedotowsky-Manno Welcomes a Son
I was reluctant to do this at first but deep down inside, my mothers’ intuition told me that Riley was ready to sleep in his own room. And I’m so glad I trusted my gut! As soon as we movedRiley into his own room, instead of waking up every one and a half hours, he only woke up every three hours. Don’t get me wrong — every three hours isn’t ideal — but it’s a huge step up from every hour and a half!
Courtesy Ali Fedotowsky
Don’t get me wrong — I am well aware how fortunate we are to be able to hire someone do this. It’s something I am truly grateful for and I know not all parents are able to do this. It’s an investment for sure. But in my mind, it’s an investment in my children, my marriage and myself. In my opinion, those are the three most important things in my life and therefore the three most important things for me to invest money, time and heat in. Once I’m myself again, after months of sleep deprivation, I’llbe a better mommy to my children, a more patient and understanding wife and a better me overall.
I will update you guys on sleep training on my blogAli Luvsafter we do it! I’m honestly giddy at the thought of starting it so soon. Riley has only been napping 20 to 30 minutes during the day, which I know is a direct result of him not sleeping well at night. Once he starts sleeping through the night, his naps will fall into place as well — at least, that’s what happened when we sleep trained our daughter Molly.
5. Put Yourself in the Right Mental State
One of my good friends Brianna gave me the most incredible piece of advice the other day. This friend happens to also be my hairdresser and while I was sitting in her chair venting about how exhausted I was and how I couldn’t keep up with being a wifeand full-time working mom, she told me the most simple yet most impacting advice I’ve ever gotten. It was advice that she actually received from her own husband when she was in the thick of it with two young children. She told me to try to remember that when your kids need you, nothing else matters. So when my daughter Molly is fussing for my attention while I’m trying to answer a work email, that work email doesn’t matter. She does.
Same goes for Riley. When he’s up in the middle of the night and needs me, whether thatbe for comfort or for food, that’s the only thing in the world that matters in that moment. How exhausted I am and what big project I have for work the next day simply isn’t important in that moment in time.
I hope some of these tips help any of you out there that are going through this regression! And I know you’ve heard this before but I’ll say it as a reminder to you now: This too shall pass. You will sleep again! Just maybe not for a little while. Thank goodness for coffee!
Make sure to follow me on my blogAliLuvs.comand onInstagrambecause I love sharing my motherhood journey with all of you! And please share your motherhood experience with me on social using #MamaLogues.
source: people.com
